On Being a Skeptical Believer

An ongoing battle of mine is that of faith and reason. Six or seven years ago I questioned whether or not I would still be a Christian by now. I struggled with this because years ago I let go of my fairy tale understanding of Bible stories, that I acquired in Sunday school. Back in those days I was obsessed with Superman, Spiderman and others, but in reality I knew that super powers were make believe... except in Bible times. Thousands of years ago God broke open the sky and talked audibly to people. There were real super heroes that had real super powers and their names were Samson, Moses, Jesus and his disciples. And God was the biggest super hero of all, He could just think things into existence. He would say the word and a universe would instantaneously appear. The world, at one time, was a magical place, complete with talking animals and giants.

I don't mean to be disrespectful. I mean to point out a way that many Christians, including myself, grew up thinking about the Bible, and, in many ways, I think that some of those Christians go on thinking this way. When we get older we realize that Abraham Lincoln and George Washington weren't perfect, shiny role models. They were EFFed up humans, that lied, were racist, got depressed and scared just like all of us. But, at some point, we realize that things back then are a lot like they are today; and that our child-like understanding of these men were fairy tales. But for some reason, I don't think that some Christians make this transition with the Bible. They retain a fairy tale understanding.

This defairytalization of the Bible is something I am constantly wrestling with. I grew up in a pentecostal church where "miracles" were commonplace, as were anecdotes about miracles. After researching the "behavior" I grew up with, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of it is a form of hypnosis. It also seems that much of what is labeled as demonic, supernatural etc. such as talking to the dead, auras and other weird stuff are easily debunked and/or are psychosomatic. This has seriously jaded me when it comes to accepting the supernatural. In fact, I don't really believe in the supernatural as it is commonly defined.

I think God does things that are beyond our comprehension, but I think it's totally in the realm of what is possible. God exists in all dimensions. Like the two dimensional flatlanders we have a very limited comprehension of reality, and God could interact with us in ways that are perfectly with in the bounds of what is natural; we just can't understand it. Furthermore, I think that if we went back in time and witnessed some of the miracles in the Bible we might find that the Israelites were witnessing natural phenomena. For instance, Sinai sounds very much like an active volcano. In the desert there exists gas pockets under the sand. When people are walking in the desert they sometimes step on these gas pockets, and when these gas pockets erupt they fling sand that causes tiny sparks. The sparks ignite the pocket and create a pillar of fire. I'm not saying that I think these are the explanations for these miracles; only that it's a possibility. Also, just because it's a natural occurrence doesn't mean that God didn't plan it that way. It just sounds more realistic that God used nature to give his chosen people victory over Egypt rather than magic.

What I know is that God is real, and that Jesus is the incarnation. I do believe that God heals people, and that He is constantly involved with His creation. I also believe that the Bible was written by ancient people with an ancient worldview, and while it is inspired, God did not edit out the way his people viewed reality. The Bible wasn't written specifically for 21st century American Christians, it doesn't cater to our science-based understanding of the natural world, and it certainly isn't a fairy tale. It really happened, I don't know how, but that's were my faith begins.